Thursday, April 26, 2007
RIP
RIP26 Apr 2006. It's a day i want to remember for life. The day u, my dearest grandma left us for a better place. I really love u granny and i wished i had shown u i really do.
I knew you always loved our company and that's why you travelled all the way down to Woodlands from Ang Mo Kio despite the inconvenience u faced, almost every week. That's why i tried to be home when u came and try to eat whatever u cooked even though it sucked at times. You refused to sleep and spend the night over with us cos of your sleeping condition, fearing that you will cause us inconvenience. And yet you wanted to spend so much time with us that u don't mind going home at 11. With that, I thank you.
You showered us with your unconditional love. A love that pure and nothing else.
But i asked myself, what have i really done for you to let u know i really care? You are always so proud of me for my results, and spur me to graduate and succeed so that i can lead a good life in future and not live a tough life that you experienced. I did work hard thinking i could earn enough to let you lead a good great grandma's life in future, with my sister giving birth in 2month. It's all running in my mind and i hope i had really let u know about it. Or maybe just give you a call often enough to know how badly your asthma attack was days ago.
Too late. When i saw you this afternoon, you were lying motionless in the mortuary. You suffered alone in the morning. I can see you grasping for air, struggling to make preparation for dose of medicine to relieve yourself as your hands trembled. A attempt that succeeded for the past few days but failed today. Finally you made a last attempt to call for help, dialing Uncle's number. You got to him, he rushed down, but everything was too late.
I can feel what you were thinking at that very last moment as you gave up fighting for your life. Still worrying abt us, grandchildren, sons and daughters and most regretfully, failure to wait for 2 more months to carry your first greatgrandson. My heart wrenches as my tears come rolling down uncontrollably.
I had always known myself to be very very fortunate. To have all my grandparents around, no funerals to attend to despite my age. So fortunate that i took it for granted. Why do we always treasure something that's too late to be cherished? We know all these, and yet the cycle repeats itself again and again, showing how fan jian humans are.
I'm sorry but let me grieve for you these few days or weeks, for i know this is not what you wanted it to be. I'll be strong and keep my promise of continue studying hard and achieve good results, be filial to my parents, take good care of my family especially my little brother as i held your hands and kiss you goodbye in the mortuary. I will love as for as long as i live and i really hope you can rest in peace knowing that we all care for you. 26 Apr 07. Day i will not forget. Till we meet again. Cya.
RIP. Goodbye.
love,
hongda.
- {hongda} - blogged at
8:11 PM
